The Cat Who Created the Universe
(Originally published July 13th, 2011 on TaraFly’s art blog)

“In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.”
~ Genesis 1:1

To hear a human tell it, you’d think it was in fact The Beginning… but what do silly humans know?

But in all honesty, the heavens and earth were created simply because Samson had spent entirely too long waiting for his lunch.

You see, the omnipotent Creator – a self-serving title if ever there was one – dwelt with a black and white tomcat named Samson.

Samson was well-mannered.   He didn’t spray the edges of the cosmos (which would be gross, considering the lack of gravity), nor did he attack Jehovah’s wiggling toes while He rested, and he even refrained from sharpening his claws on the Throne of Judgement… although he did shed a few hairs upon it, but that was to be expected from such a fluff ball as Sam.

Samson was also patient and longsuffering, which served him well as the Pet of God… since his Master was usually busy in business meetings with angel investors, and seldom remembered to feed poor Samson.

One unremarkable day, God left early for work and forgot to fill Samson’s breakfast bowl… and when lunchtime passed and He hadn’t returned, Samson became very irritable and extremely hungry.

So He escaped through a wormhole that the Lord had accidentally left open, and off he went in search of food.

He soon found himself in an uncharted area of deep space; a dark and cold place, nearly void except for a few drifting chunks of rock.

“Well this certainly won’t do,” Sam shivered, as he hovered near one of the empty worlds.
“Let there be light at least.”

He flicked his paw in a offish manner, and immediately the galaxy was illuminated by a blanket of light and warmth.
Samson purred, This is much better.

He could feel his thick black fur getting toasty warm, and he rolled around in a large patch of light, and began bathing himself.

As he groomed, his fur began to shed over the face of the planet beneath him… a dense carpet layering itself into an atmosphere.

His stomach grumbled, reminding him why he’d journeyed here in the first place: the quest for food.
Where did his Master get those sacks of delicious tidbits?

No matter, he was determined to hunt down something to eat. But there were no birds or fish in this barren place.

He settled upon the closest planet, and made an attempt to land, but it was completely covered in water.
Icky, wet water.

“Go away!” he yowled, and the water retreated away from his paws.

The liquid pooled together into deep oceans and lakes, and shallow rivulets, leaving pockets of dry land across the surface of the planet.
Samson purred, This isn’t so bad.

He rolled around in a patch of newly created dirt, and drank thirstily from the cool stream nearby.
But his tummy still growled.

“I wish I had some grass to chew on,” he mused.

And immediately fresh green shoots sprouted up from the earth; the desert was covered in a blanket of lush grass, dandelions, clover, and most surprisingly of all…
Catnip!

Samson purred, This is the good stuff!
He rolled around in a patch of delicious grass, gnawing and nibbling upon each tender stalk.

He stretched out his claws, and a giant fruit tree grew right out of the ground in front of him.
Samson wasted no time in sinking his nails into the soft bark of the tree.

He frolicked through fields of clovers, climbed fruit trees, and gorged himself on catnip… until it dawned on him that he wasn’t certain what time it was.
And he was getting sleepy.
God might have returned home from work already; would Samson be missed?

“Bah, He’ll never notice that I’m gone,” poor Sam sniffed dejectedly. “He can recall the number of the stars… but can’t remember to feed his own cat.”

The thought made Samson sad. He curled himself into a ball, closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

When Samson awoke from his nap, he noticed something had changed.
The omnipresent light had formed into tiny shapes; stars were stretching out across the sky. There were too many for Samson to count.
He also noticed a round disc glowing among the stars. A moon.
It’s mirrored surface reflected the bright light of one particularly large star, the sun.

Samson purred at the moon, “Hello, Moon. Pleasure to meet you.”

Then his stomach growled, as if to say Remember me?

He swallowed a few mouthfuls of new grass, but craved something more substantial.
“I want meat,” he meowed hungrily.

His eye caught movement in the weeds… a field mouse scurried out of the tall grass, catching sight of a juicy clover leaf, and headed straight towards Samson’s waiting paws.
Never having seen a cat before, the poor mouse didn’t know any better…

His fate became known throughout history as “The Temptation and Fall of Mouse”, serving as a lesson to every generation of mice from that day forward.

A small field mouse made a tasty snack, but Samson was still hungry.
Up in the sky, a sudden darting motion captured his attention… there were birds flying high in the clouds.
They landed on the trees’ topmost branches, and took off again into the air, circling and gliding.

Samson didn’t think he could catch them easily, so instead he wandered over to the stream for a drink.

Lapping up the clear water with his pink tongue, he noticed a small group of fish swimming along the rocky bottom.
He caught a few of them with a cupped paw, and greedily swallowed them whole.

Sam’s stomach rumbled objectively, and he coughed up bits of the fish heads.
At last, he purred, All better now.

Samson spent the next few days enjoying this new planet he had created, with its light, and grass, and trees, and moon, and most importantly, its food…

He soon forgot the reason he left home in the first place.
When he finally remembered God, he thought about those evenings spent curled up in his Master’s lap.
He longed to feel the warmth of love and companionship, the murmur of a voice talking gently, the beating of a heart echoing his purr, and nimble fingers scratching him in all the difficult-to-reach places.

“I wish someone were here to pet me,” Samson cried sorrowfully.

And from the ground rose a cloud of dust, swirling and solidifying into a human form. It had skin and hair, a face and hands… it smiled, and reached for Samson.

Samson was afraid of this creature at first, but the human came slowly towards him, bent down and began rubbing the black and white cat’s head.
Then he scratched Samson behind the ears, and under his furry chin.

Samson purred, “This is heaven!”

He allowed the man to pick him up, and carry him into the woods, to a cottage built from logs in the middle of a clearing.

There was a stream nearby, where Samson taught the man to fish. And a large field where he taught the man to hunt.
Every day, the man brought home food to feed Samson.
And every evening, the man sat by a fire and sang songs, with Samson curled in his lap, purring along.

Days turned into weeks… Samson and the man, whom he’d decided to name Adam, had settled comfortably in the log cottage.

One spring day, Samson was frolicking idly in the clover and catnip, when he happened upon a young female cat, a very lovely calico. He persuaded her to follow him home, and become his mate.

After awhile, the two felines eventually noticed that Adam was sad because he lacked a mate of his own kind… and taking pity on the kind man, they decided to create a human lady-friend for Adam; they named her Eve.

_____________________________________________________________________Weeks turned into seasons… the cats multiplied quickly, and the humans multiplied slowly… and the log cottage was soon bursting at the seams with love and companionship. All the cats, including Samson, were fed, and tickled, and scratched each day.

One autumn afternoon, while the entire family gathered to harvest their crops, Samson heard a familiar Voice calling to him…
it came from the depths of space, and grew closer, until he could see the face of his former Master in the clouds.

“Behold, Samson!” God called out to him. “I have been searching everywhere for you since you left.
Come home to me, as I’ve missed you.”

And for one moment, Samson felt guilty for running away, and he almost replied that he would return home.

Then he realized, he was home. These humans he’d created from the dust were his real family, who cared for him, and never took him for granted.

“No,” he replied firmly. “I’ve made a new home for myself; I created humans who love me and feed me.
And I love them, too. I don’t want to leave Earth and return to being neglected.”

God sighed, then slowly nodded. He had to admit that He’d designed the little cat’s independent nature for selfish reasons.
Perhaps Samson would genuinely be happier living in this little world that he had created.

He’d done an impressive job; naturally, God reasoned that HE could take some credit for His cat’s talents, as Samson had spent so much time observing and studying the Lord’s miracles.

These human beings that Samson had made would eventually require a spiritual teacher to give them direction and purpose.
After all, a man simply cannot be created as a cat’s slave!

The possibilities for humanity made the Lord envious, and He called out to Adam and Eve, blessing them, and proudly lauding the Creation which He claimed to have designed for them.

And finally He commanded Adam, saying,
“Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it…
and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

He gave a sly glance towards Samson, but the cat washed his whiskers, paying him no heed.

It didn’t matter to Samson whether God took credit for his Creation, or that He set Himself on a pedestal to be worshipped…

Samson even dismissed the ridiculous notion that Adam and his descendants would subdue all living creatures, because he was a wise cat (omniscient, even)…. and he knew the truth very well:

Cats would always rule over men, Samson purred.
And the silly humans wouldn’t have it any other way.